Projecting my feelings and the HOLE

Content I found interesting:

This podcast about biology.

A way of looking at life from a completely new perspective.

It explains how cells know what to do in the framework of the body, even though they don’t have awareness of the rest of it.

It explains how they only know their specific end goal but not the means to achieve it, so they need to be creative, solve problems and get to an end with what they have at hand.

Our cells are real problem solvers.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/42reDLEDzQicUmzmDpXjYK?si=97d4cb7ba47e411c

Thoughts and realizations:

I was walking and working on my liberation, trying to be present, aware of my surroundings, aware of my breath and body.

Suddenly, darkness.

As if I had traveled in time, 15min later I become aware again, and I realize that I have been lost in thought, that I have been having an argument with someone else in my head.

When I lost my awareness in the first place, a displeasing sensation appeared in my body, and I got distracted by it. I didn’t want to feel it and, most importantly, I didn’t want to be responsible for it.

So, I was having a discussion with someone else, projecting my feelings towards them, trying to blame them for this sensation.

 

If I feel anger, I suppress it and I blame it on the person I felt it towards. Then I make movies in my head until I get the logic right, until I can rationally tell the anger is not mine.

Even though it’s me that is feeling it, I push it away.

If I feel love, I want to own it all, I want more of someone’s love. Then I make movies in my head until I get the logic right, until I can rationally tell why the other person is not giving me enough love.

Even though Its me that feels the love, I push it away, I make you responsible for it.

Either way, the blame its on you, I have nothing to do with this feeling, even if its me that’s feeling it. This is the wrong path my mind is programed to take.

 

These false arguments, that make me travel in time, come

from my suppression of emotions

from my non indentation with them

from the lack of responsibility I feel for them

I project my feelings towards others without realizing they all belong to me, it all comes from my precondition.

Now I know that when I blame someone else for my feelings, it means I don’t know myself well enough.

___

The HOLE you fell inside

The HOLE you felt all your life

 

STARE into it

Until you understand

WHY it exists

 

Then

It will slowly

DISAPPEAR